Which Partner is the Right One for Me?


German Version

Partner Wanted - The “Right Person” and the Research Criteria

Meeting a new love involves you in big feelings.
  • Many people ask themselves who is the right person for me? What must he or she look like? Does this person really exist? These are only a few of the many questions we might ask ourselves concerning a new partner. It is worthwhile thinking about the traits you might want in a soul mate. Some people think the ideal partner should be as similar as possible to themselves; others look for a partner complements them as much as possible. In other cases, people seek a person who contrasts with themselves, as in "opposites attract". What are the right research criteria?
  • Plenty of studies have addressed this subject. But who is exactly the right partner? A couple of short stories give you an idea of this complicated issue.
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Themes of the next Time: 
* Desire for lasting happiness in Love - Is it realistic?
* Communication: Conflict Resolution in a Partnership
* Agonizing about the Partner - Is it usefull?
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Dream Partner - Examples

  • A woman felt in love with a man - the very reasonfor this was that he was completely different to her. He was seemingly so "free" in himself, completely independend from social conventions. He didn't mind their differences. He was able to enjoy life to its fullest by not taking things too seriously. Being together with him was so easy.
  • But how was the development of this drea partnership some months later? The two didn't become a close couple. After a short thrilling time together, the woman decided to say goodbye. The reason was that she realized she felt that her new boyfriend was too immature; he either would not or could not commit to anything. The possibility of becoming intimately involved with him seemed to be impossible. 
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  • Another woman met a successfull businessman. She found him to be very sexy because he knew very well what he liked and did not like. He was very sure of himself. But after a short time, she realized that he had very little time for her. He seldom arrived home from work before 11 p.m. Even on weekends work was on his mind - his mobile phone at his ear talking to someone from his company.  

Fatal Attraction - falling into a Trap ?

  • Psychologists discovered a certain pattern of behavior in the two sample stories above. They called it "fatal attraction". For many people, they feel themselves very attracted to a new partner when he or she has characteristics completely different to their own. However, ultimately, it is these same characteristics that often lead to frustration and separation. 
  • These persons perhaps recognize that they are not well matched; they are simply too different. But what are the reasons for their attraction in the first place? Why create such a contrasting interplay of emotions? This is probably due to the fact that humans have the deep desire to continually expand their personalities. That's why you crave something new or different, and it may seem like a new love is one of the nicest and easiest ways to obtain this.  
  • Maybe you have a special interest in music. Unfortunately, you never had discipline enough to learn a musical instrument. Suddenly, you meet a musician who lives for his or her music. You feel very attracted to this person because your worlds can be playfully expanded through this encounter. You will find an extension of your personality and thus feel reborn. For a time, this other person gives you something you've missed in your life so raf - but only for a little while. This experience was known very well by Platon - the famous Greek philosopher, who stated that love makes us whole again.

Transformation into the Opposite

  • After a shot time you will probably be annoyed by the characteristics of the new partner. If this is the case, you fell into the trap of fatal attraction. Naturally, opposites do attract; however, unfortunately, most couples don't endure these differences over the long term. This has been confirmed by many studies. 
  • A worldwide applied psychology study from Texas interviewed many happily married couples over several years. Most couples reported the main reasons for their successful relationship were similarities in character, likes and dislikes, and interests; even their attitudes and convictions often are similiar. 

Find Out Who You Are

  • One thing certain is that each person has their own personality, and as a result, it isn't possible to completely change one's own character for the sake of another person - and so, the credo of a happy relationsship seems to be "birds of a feather flock together". 
  • Therefore, before you begin the search for that special partner, it makes sense to first of all find for yourself what you actually are. What are your personal beliefs and preferences?  Think about what are the most important things in your life; become aware of what you like and what you don't like. After that, you may be successful in finding the right partner. 
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Further coming Issues: 
* How to solve financial problems in a relationship
   * How can couples start a comeback?
* Ideas for romantic moments with your partner
* Good for partnership: be proud of yourself
* Problems: humor is the best medicine 
* What are the fundamental Laws of Love?
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